Stupid Surgery…

Okay, stupid title, I know the surgery isn’t stupid, but I just hate that Ryder has to go through it.  On the eve of his surgery, Ryder has no clue what is going on.  He thoroughly enjoyed this teething biscuit, making a mess from his nose to his knuckles!

 

Then he took a bath and got all cleaned up.

 

Then he got all cozy in his pajamas, and spent some time with Mommy & Daddy in his bedroom learning how to crawl! 

Now he’s fast asleep, totally oblivious to what he has to face tomorrow.

I, on the other hand, can’t get it out of my mind.  My stomach is in knots and every part of me wishes I could just take this away from him and not make him have to go through these kinds of things. 

During his first surgery, I remember being so worried about the outcome…all I wanted to hear was that he was going to be okay and could finally come home from the hospital.  This time is so different.  The outcome seems so far away, now I’m worrying about everything leading up to that.  I’m worried about him not being able to eat all day, I never want him to have to be hungry!  I’m worried about the second that they have to take him from my arms, that he’ll look at me with fear in his eyes, I never want him to feel alone or scared.  I’m worried about the anesthesia, and the surgery, the recovery, and yeah, I guess I am worried about the outcome.  I hope they can fix whatever is wrong while they are in there, and that this surgery doesn’t lead to another, and also that his kidney function has gotten better and not worse.  **Deep Breath** and then I remind myself that we have a God that is in control, He knows the outcome already, He loves us and He loves Ryder even more than we do!  So that puts a peace back into my heart, it helps me to regain my strength, and gives me the ability to tell Ryder, and myself, that everything is going to be okay.